Imagine the joy of finding the love of your life, an exciting
romantic liaison or a rewarding friendship when you are looking
and feeling your worst. You had a hellish time at work the previous
day, you feel as though you haven’t slept a wink, your skin
would be a voyage of exploration for a dermatologist and a crow
would be more than happy nesting in your hair. You feel tired
and fed up and your self-esteem is at an all time low. You long
for someone special with whom to share your life, but right
now you feel that even Quasimodo wouldn’t consider you as a
romantic option. In this moment of self-deprecation, how is
meeting Mr or Mrs Right possible? By taking advantage of online
dating, of course.
Helen is 38 and works for a prestigious law firm. Her dating
track record since the tragic and premature death of her husband
five years ago has been poor. Although the majority of Helen’s
work colleagues are male, she says, “The majority of them
are married and even if they were available, I would not be
interested. I also don’t think I could cope with having a
relationship with someone involved in the legal sector. I
imagine that we would find it very hard to leave our work
behind. Socially, where does one go to meet likeminded men
who are genuinely interested in a relationship as opposed
to a one-night stand?”
Helen went onto explain that she met her late husband whilst
at university and, during the many contented years of her
marriage, she had a fairly blinkered view of dating agencies.
“I viewed them with suspicion, assuming that they were frequented
by people who either had major personality flaws, or else
had some ulterior seedy motive. I never once stopped to think
about how difficult it is in this day and age to meet suitable
companions in mainstream environments. Of course, about two
years after Harry’s death when I began thinking that I didn’t
want to spend the rest of my life alone, I realised that meeting
other people was not that easy. Clubs and pubs really didn’t
appeal to me. I tried going with friends to wine bars, but
found that I was largely on the receiving end of unwanted
attention from men in whom I had no interest. It was also
obvious that the majority of them were just after a quick
thrill.
Helen quickly began to view dating agencies as an attractive
option, but didn’t really like the idea of being computer-matched
with someone. After all, that removed personal choice and
she made it clear that she was not the sort of person who
liked having choices made for her! Her decision to try online
dating as an alternative was made whilst awaiting a dental
appointment.
“In the waiting room, I came across an article
on online dating as I was idly perusing the obligatory stack
of well-thumbed women’s magazines. The article must have been
particularly well written, because I was instantly sold on
the idea. The concept of being able to peruse a database of
potential suitors whilst still in my dressing gown was extremely
appealing. At least I knew that when I did dress up, it would
be because I actually had a date, rather than putting a huge
effort into preparing for a night cruising around social clubs,
with no guarantee that I was going to meet someone. After
my appointment, I couldn’t wait to get home and begin checking
out some of the sites that were recommended.
Helen spent a long time researching the plethora
of online dating sites before she found one that she felt
catered for her needs, which of course included a level of
security.
“I wasn’t particularly drawn to totally free
sites, because I felt that they were more likely to attract
members who weren’t particularly serious about the process,
or whose intentions weren’t entirely honourable. I was more
interested in sites that allowed you to peruse profiles, but
which required you to pay for full membership before allowing
you to contact other members. That way, I knew that those
I contacted were probably more serious about meeting someone
special and not just after a quick fling. I wanted to sign
up with a site where I felt totally in control and also secure
in the knowledge that none of my personal contact details
would be divulged to anyone unless I specifically chose to
give out this information. I was also more impressed by sites
that offered a range of relationship advice and articles.”
Helen eventually signed up with www.DatingHappy.com
and says that it was one of the best decisions she has ever
made.
“At first I felt rather embarrassed admitting
to even my closest friends that I had chosen this route, but
when I did, I was amazed at how many of them had also considered
doing the same thing. One of my friends, whom I assumed had
met her husband at the gym, admitted that she had actually
met him via an online message forum. Although this wasn’t
the same as a dating agency, essentially it was no different.
She had found someone with whom she shared common interests,
but whom she had not previously met face-to-face and that
is exactly how I began broadening my male social circle, except
via a dedicated relationship facility.
Helen says that she found the search process
“exhilarating”.
“It was like being an invisible fly on the
wall in a room full of interesting men from all walks of life
with their personal profiles attached to them I could look,
analyse and weigh up the options in a way that would be impossible
if all those men were in one room. The best part was the convenience
and the fact that it didn’t matter one iota what I looked
like or how I behaved!
“I also liked the idea of initially being able
to build the foundations of a relationship on friendship and
mutual interests, before actually meeting someone and being
blinded by lust, which of course never lasts with the same
intensity as at the beginning of a relationship!”
Has Helen met her match?
“Very possibly”, she laughs. “I’ve had tremendous
fun and I’d like to say that I believe I have found a relationship
with future potential, but you’ll just have to wait and see......!!”
About the Author
Jan Andersen is a British Freelance Writer and Copywriter
specialising in articles and features on diverse lifestyle
topics and social issues. She has also participated in many
TV and radio programmes. Jan also owns and runs five websites;
World Writer, Mothers Over 40, Child Suicide, SACS (Surviving
After Child Suicide) and Jan Andersen Writing Services. Until
recently, Jan had four children aged 20, 18, 16 and 4. Her
eldest son, Kristian, tragically took his own life on 1 November
2002. Whilst campaigning for depression, suicide and drugs’
awareness, Jan is writing a book on child suicide entitled,
“Chasing Death”.
http://www.janandersen.homestead.com
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